Based on an informal survey conducted by a sexuality shop and workshop centre in Toronto, At Good For Her, have compiled a list of the questions most frequently asked by men before they make a sexy purchase in person or online for their other half, especially at this time of Valentine’s day.
1. What is the best toy for my partner?
That is like asking “What are the best shoes?” It depends on many things such as whether she is easily orgasmic or wants something to be used internally, externally or both and of course what toys she already has.
2. If I get her a toy, what will she need me for?
You and the toy are on the same team. You are both working towards the same goal of her pleasure. It makes your job easier and adds variety. Trust us; no one has left their partner for a sex toy.
3. I want to get a toy for my girlfriend, but how do I not scare her?
Play it safe by going small and elegant. Stay away from large, realistic and kinky toys – unless she has made a request or suggested her preference in shaping a fantasy. Don’t pull it out in mid sexual escapade. Offer it to her when you have time to discuss it. Or go shopping together!
4. I don’t want her to get used to something bigger than me because won’t she prefer it over me?
Bigger is not always better. You also have to feel good about it so go with something you also think will be fun. She will love you intensely for wanting to please her and will want to share pleasure with you – perhaps even more often and more passionately, not less!
5. How come she needs a toy in order to orgasm?
Some people need glasses to see, others need a calculator to do math, some need a vibrator in order to orgasm. It likely is just what she needs, rather than a reflection of your skill level. Ask her lots of questions about what she likes, get creative, trying it different ways, and enjoy her pleasure!
6. What is a toy that we can use together?
Lots of couples love the We-Vibe couples toys. But you can also get creative and use any basic long and thin toy like the JejJoue Uma or a two-pronged vibrator to use on both of your bodies.
7. How do I turn this thing off?
If the toy does not have an on/off switch then push and hold the minus button to do the trick.
8. How do I introduce my partner to light bondage?
Go for something soft and sensual like silk ties or soft leather restraints. Tell her that you want to tease, tantalize and pleasure her with tastes, textures and touch for an ultra sensual experience. If she is still unsure, get her to tie you up first or tell her to hold onto the ties rather than them holding onto her. She can let go at anytime if she gets uncomfortable, but she can still resist against them.
9. How can I broach the topic of anal sex with my wife?
Talk about your sex life using the the formula for “Three Oranges and a Lemon”. Each of you shares three things you love about your sex life (e.g. “I love the way you kiss me deeply when you want me, I love the way you give me oral pleasure for as long as it takes, I love how you also use your fingers when we have intercourse” and one thing you wish to do differently (eg “I am curious to explore anal play with you.”)
10. Is lube necessary to use for sex with my partner?
Some women lubricate a lot naturally. But menopause, breastfeeding, some medications, stress (and more) can dry us out. And if we are stimulating the vulva, butt or penis, there is no natural lubrication in those spots. Lube just makes everything feel better.
11. Help! My partner can’t orgasm. What can I do?
Try a powerful toy such as the classic Magic Wand and encourage her to just feel the pleasure rather than trying to orgasm. The pressure to come will make her goal that much harder to achieve. And you both will enjoy the pleasure way more if you just relax into it.
12. How do I find porn that she will actually like and turns her on that we can watch together?
There are lots of new pornographers on the scene who are creating interesting stories with more emphasis on everyone’s pleasure and without perpetuating unrealistic expectations about who is sexy, what people enjoy and how they orgasm.
13. How can I spice up our relationship?
As in all aspects of life, we need to take risks and explore in order to grow and keep it exciting. Try something new such as saying something (different) during sex, trying a new position or activity, share something vulnerable about yourself, or even just change which way you face when you are on the bed. Try a game like I Dare You to give you ideas of things to try and new questions to ask.
14. How do I help my partner get interested in having sex more often?
Arousal is key. An edible massage candle is a great way to get her relaxed and aroused. Use a vibrating toy if she has a hard time achieving orgasm. And don’t forget the lube. Make sure she gets all the pleasure she can handle.
Source: Good For Her
Read also: 7 Signs That You Need a Good Sex Right Now
